I like reading stories about the people behind a blog and get to know them better. So that’s why I thought I could do the same, where I’ll write an extra post every month.
Just sharing a lil summary at the end of each month. Today I share with you how my August was.
The first two weeks...
I started august with coming home to my mom as this summer semester break started. It’s always a 5 hours trip from Bremen to my hometown via train.
She picked me up from the train station - as mostly every time & I was glad to see her. We made a trip to Erfurt and had some quality time – just mom and me.
There was also a reunion with my best friends, who I know since I’m a smol bean.
I also made a trip to a friend from Dresden on my own. The last time I saw her was one year ago. So, it was time. Unfortunately, [she also struggles with her mental health] and has an eating disorder.
It was cool, we talked a lot and she showed me her city. But what I realized afterward, I automatically adjusted my eating habits to hers. Which resulted in eating less as I’m already on my way back on track to heal from the past months.
Healing & Recovering
I don’t have these typical ED thoughts, but I would lie if it would be easy to just eat more again. Alone the fact my hunger signals are a bit confused. I estimate my intake roughly to make sure I’m eating enough. Been there and now I can do this again.
You just can’t trust your body after a period of restriction, even if it was a few weeks or months this time. As long, as your body isn’t at its happy point, your hormones and overall health aren’t in balance. Your body itself is confused. Give it some time, lots of love, food, rest and patience and it’ll work out. Have trust and faith!
The time with her was a lesson to learn from and to focus on myself, other’s eating schedules have NOTHING to do with mine and I shouldn’t care at all! Same applies to you!
Week three and four...
Last week I finally handed in the homework I had to do with a group of my classmates. My friend (one of whom I worked with) and I were so relieved as this process was stressful. Gladly we don’t have to do such tasks once again.
She also visited me one week ago and stayed here for 3 days. We went together to my hometown’s annual festival called “Mühlhäuser Stadtkirmes”. People from all over Germany visit my little town just for this fest, which is funny.
Normally, I’m not into drinking, but during this time I make some excuses here and then. I don’t like parties, but it’s cool to meet people again who I only see once a year. There are always massive amounts of topics to talk about. And I love talking a blue streak, haha.
Unexpected family stuff...
Then, a few days ago something happened. My sister, 2 years younger than me, who is pregnant and unemployed, is now living in my mom’s apartment. After she broke up with her boyfriend. Who has the same qualifications as her... She also never took responsibility for her own life and lives of social welfare.
This is a very difficult situation for me as my mom isn’t understanding my problems, as my sister triggered parts of my eating disorder. She was the one, who preferred when I was little, and now I feel the same again.
My sister is hard to talk to. I often got the feeling she’s not having a clue what I’m talking about. And normally you can expect to have a good conversation with someone who is 21 years old.
I don’t want to complain, but my mom supports her fully. She now also doesn’t have to take responsibility at all, nor thinking about how she wants to make a living for her and her newborn.
I’m not going to put myself into danger and risk a relapse just because of her and since I sat together with my mom and her without a good result. My mom isn’t realizing what’s going on as she’s blinded by her feelings. My sister will always be her child and I see clearly.
I’ll decide something which is not easy, but crucial. I will try to get her into a mother-child facility, where she will get help from professionals. Maybe I risk driving a wedge between my mom and me.
Deep down I know this is the right step.
Not only for my future niece but to create her future in terms of education and earn money or even finding her purpose. To be on her own and which is most important to me, to take the heat off my mom.
How to deal with difficult family situations
1. Stand up for yourself and talk about what’s bothering you. If you keep things by yourself which are related to other people, you’ll only hurt yourself in the long run.
2. Create a little haven only for you. It could be a room where you just spend time with yourself. Remember, you’re the most important person in your life and therefore self-care is a huge part. Do things which make you feel better and automatically raise your vibration (more about spirituality & the law of attraction here). I love spending time in nature, doing yoga, reading, playing video games, among others.
3. Accept and seek help – if necessary. There are tons of professionals out there who love to help you, and in some cases, you can even remain anonymous – such as in helplines.
4. Love yourself. It’s like in a toxic romantic relationship. Give yourself the love and things, you believe you need of someone else. You are already complete.
I know (depending on your situation), you want to have any problem solved. But the thing is, you can’t save the world nor should you take full responsibility for other people’s problems.
Check out my “Let’s become independent” worksheet I’ve made for you!
Sometimes saving yourself means letting go – even family members. Especially if they’re either unhealthy for you. Then, just as some friends, who you don’t get along together anymore – they’re not meant for you and you’ll attract more people in your vibrational state.
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