Why Perfectionism Will Destroy You

Why Perfectionism Will Destroy You

Hello everyone, I'm Kerstin and this is my brand new podcast about mental health, personal development, spirituality & so much more! 🌞 In my first episode ever I'm talking about perfectionism and how it does more harm than good.

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Be Grateful And Let The Magic Begin...

There was a time in my life where I used to be a depressed, anxious girl not having a clue why I was put on this earth and wondering what my purpose is. I was trapped in an eating disorder, isolated myself, pushed the people that I love away – basically stopped trusting anyone, not even myself and often even hoped everything to be over aka being suicidal.

 

A few years into recovery, I passed my apprenticeship and headed to Cologne – the first city a few hours from my home where I lived on my own. I’ve grown mentally and must admit I was a bit proud of myself being able to live alone and do my thing. Well, the subject of study I chose at university by this time wasn’t the right for me and I got heartbroken. But around this time a friend (as if it was part of the universe’ plan) introduced the power of gratitude and I even talked about this topic with my former therapist.

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My REAL healing journey began…

 

Around time, I finally understood the whole meaning of recovery. I don’t tell you something new when I say it’s not just about having a normal relationship to food and your body (and allow it to find its happy point).

I started doing a journal where I wrote down a list of things, I’m grateful for. Starting with as small as nice weather, over fresh, clean water to being grateful for my parents – thanks to them I’m part of this world and here to do my life’s mission. I soon realized nothing is to be taken for granted. NOTHING.

I began researching & studying more and more about the law of attraction, mindfulness and connecting my soul. A new world opened to me. I began to question things and to look (and still do) behind the beliefs I was taught since my childhood. It’s kind of rebirth to me.

 

My awakening

 

 

These “normal” things, such as getting the best degree and landing in a corporate job don’t resonate with my true self. I wasn’t listening to my intuition and soul for a long time. That’s why I became sick and hit rock bottom at being 18…to finally wake up – even though I only started to learn about spirituality and self-development at the beginning of last year. Better late than never.

Through gratitude, you send out positive energy and eventually attract more of it. Even more positive feelings and emotions which is a beautiful thing.

Connecting to your source energy also allows unfolding your creativity. Ever since I understood EVERYTHING is possible, I finally know what I’m meant to be and to do. I don’t know why I came across my mission AFTER enrolling at university (don’t get me wrong, I’m content with studying Japanese and will graduate!) but everything in life has a meaning.

 

 

How to start your gratitude journey:

 

Grab a notebook or open a page on your computer & write down 5-10 things every morning to be grateful for. This will raise your vibration and you automatically feel better about starting your day.

Do you have dreams and goals – you maybe never talk about? I hope so! Be grateful for them, even though those aren’t visible yet. You can think about and imagine it – this alone is a sign of existence. This way you show the universe you’re ready to receive.

Show the ones you love you’re grateful for them – could be as simple as a friendly message or writing them a letter. This will not only make them smile but set yourself in a good mood.

 

Use this “21 Days of gratitude checklist” I made for you helping to form gratitude into a habit. You won’t regret it.

 

 

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My Experiences With Therapists In Germany

Hello friends! I'm very busy with my studies and in a few weeks, I'll have my finals for this semester. I struggle with "work-life balance" and set myself under too much pressure, therefore, my creativity suffers. But I work on that and I try to be more active on my blog again. I hope you understand. Recently I've been wanting to make my blog more personal next to sharing tips and giving advice.

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Today's topic

Today I want to talk about an important and personal topic, therapy. When I got diagnosed with anorexia accompanied by depression and anxiety (which is very common) I was shocked because I haven’t thought it was that serious. Anorexia tricks a lot with your mind and you often don’t realize how difficult and complex this illness is. I said to doctors “no way, I’m not that sick, I can overcome this easily on my own.”.After I got down to dangerously low weight and sleeping with 3 blankets, thinking about food 24/7 I broke down and cried my soul out to my mom. At this time I also decided to quit my apprenticeship because I couldn’t concentrate or work at all (I also didn’t like what I did). We decided to go to the doctors the next day and he send me to a psychiatrist. I had to get an appointment and couldn’t go there immediately, I had to wait about 2-3 weeks. As I got there, my blood got checked, of course, I got weighed, my mom and I had an interview separated to check the situation at home. The psychiatrist I talked to wanted to send me to a clinic for eating disorders, but I didn’t want to go. I was 18 at that time and so they couldn’t force me. She was very harsh and I didn’t get well with her. (But now I realize she must be like that because my illness was that serious.)

My first therapist

I took the responsibility to get outpatient therapy and was looking for a therapist in my hometown.Luckily, I found someone who just opened their doctor’s office and I got regular appointments after only one month of waiting. Usually, you wait 3-6 months because the wait lists are so long. Anyway, I got skeptical from the beginning on because I was uncomfortable talking to a male. Especially about such personal and deep topics. But I gave it a shot because I couldn’t recover on my own when I was caught in the depths of anorexia, where I could have died “easily”. This was around January or February of 2014. At this time, I took some time off for about 10 months as I mentioned before in order to focus on my recovery. I started going to therapy once a week and did nothing special besides that. But one thing was that I caught up with my interest in Japanese culture and started learning Japanese on my own. I could do a part-time job next to that, but my anxiety was on the rooftop and I was way too anxious to even talk to someone in a supermarket, drugstore or similar. So I was “only” going to therapy and besides that staying at home, where I practiced, more or less what I’ve learned in my therapy sessions and through the recovery community online. The last one was more helpful in my opinion because I worked with the wrong therapist. He set me under too much pressure and confused me. Especially when I slowly started eating again...

Troubles, Problems

One time he said what I eat is okay, and one time he even said it’s too much, even though I tried my best to hit recovery amounts and stayed sedentary in order to repair my body and heal my soul. Eventually, I relapsed several times during this stage and was in “quasi-recovery”. I often had arguments with him and it just was not beneficial for my healing process. Sadly I continued to go to this therapist until my apprenticeship started because I still wasn’t able to find a new one and I thought “better a bad therapist than no one”. Within these 10 months I eventually got to a minimum healthy weight, but the boundaries to underweight we’re little.

Life without therapy

After I utilized all my therapy sessions I couldn’t go to a new therapist for 2 years (yeah, this was a stupid law in Germany which could be dangerous for patients with illnesses such as eating disorders, where risks of relapse are real at all stages) and was kinda forced to apply what I’ve learned in the past. And this was surprisingly better than I thought since it’s not good to make the success of your recovery dependent from professionals. No matter if you get the support of the best doctors or therapists if you’re not ready to go out of your comfort zone and face your fears you will stay poor. And eventually, risk your life. Living with an eating disorder (or any other mental illness) is like playing Russian roulette. Luckily, I was strong enough to finish my apprenticeship and went to an ED clinic for 3 weeks after I graduated. This was in spring 2017.I went to this clinic to stabilize my current health state and there were so many people caught in the depths of their eating disorders and other issues which reminded me of how far I came. Because I thought I barely made progress in those past 3 years. The best thing, by far, was meeting my roommate which I’m still friends with till today. She’s such a sweet soul and I’m grateful to have met her. We spend a lot of time laughing and reminding ourselves we're not our illnesses. I’m proud of her progress so far (Girl, if you read this, big virtual hugs!). In this clinic, I had different forms of therapy by several professionals, including meal preparation, body awareness exercises and of course also group therapy where we discussed personal topics and could give our opinions & tips.

My first adventure on my own

A few months after I got outpatient, I moved to Cologne to attend university (where I didn’t enjoy my major but met someone I’m still friends with today and I this city will always have a place in my heart) & found a good new therapist there. She was literally one of the best professionals I worked together with. She gave me good advice and we worked through stuff which was under the condition of my eating disorder. Btw, I hate saying my eating disorder, like if it was my pet or something, lol, but yeah, it doesn’t define me, so I NEVER say or want to hear I’m eating disordered (that makes me angry.).

Back to the present

Half a year later I was back in my hometown and got appointments with a new therapist who accompanied me until I moved to my new place where I study now. I want to prove myself I don’t need professional help anymore and here I want to apply everything I’ve learned the past years. This works well so far.The most important thing while finding a therapist is, be honest with them and yourself. If you don’t feel like you can trust them, then search for them as soon as you find the “right one”. Kind of the same thing as finding the right partner, you just know when it’s the right one. Have you ever been in therapy?

 

 

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What Are Subliminals & How To Use Them

Howdy, my Friends! Today's topic is, as you can read in the heading, subliminals. These are a very popular and useful weapon in the [Law of Attraction][0] community, but even those of you who aren’t on this path can enjoy their benefits as well.It comes down, like almost every time to your belief system.

If you read this word for the first time, you might ask yourself “what the heck are subliminals?

The term “ subliminal ” (usually means “ under ” or “ below ”), indicates to brain waves that are produced when you listen to the oh-so-called “binaural” beats, which are in pure sounds or music. It is basically a designed message or signal as inaudible to the subconscious mind. It should pass below (“ sub ”) the normal limits of perception. You can use them for whatever area in your life you want to improve or change. It could be financial freedom, success (at work, your business, university/college or school), health, appearance (yes, you can even change your eye color, hair structure, etc. – there are tons of success stories out there) or whatever you can imagine.

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Now move on to today’s topic…

But here is a guide on how you can use and make them work for you:* Write down areas or things (preferably one at a time) you want to improve or change-Search for subliminals based on your “ problem ” on YouTube or just google it – there are tons of them online made by lovely people. You should be able to find them easily and fast.

  • Pick a time where you want to hear your subliminal every day, it’s better to listen to it regularly at the same time (in my opinion, you’re free to do whatever suits you!).-I highly recommend using earphones. As it is easier for your brain to incorporate those binaural waves or beats.
  • [additional] Listen to a subliminal booster before listen to your actual subliminal-Make sure to drink a lot of water as the information goes to your subconscious mind and could dehydrate you. Staying hydrated is so important and will make the manifestation process better.
  • Focus on one subliminal and listen to it multiple times a day, preferably as often as you can. I hear my current subliminal after I studied and/or before I go to bed. Some people say it’s crucial to listen to it throughout the night as you put it on a loop, but I don’t do it this way and it shouldn’t be less effective. So don’t worry.
  • Focus on this one subliminal and don’t change it for a time. Your desires won’t come to you after a few days or a week. It takes time and patience. And you need to believe it. The more resistance and blocks you have, the more difficult the manifestation will be. Sometimes I’m very skeptical and acting as if it is already in my life helps. This might be a helpful tip for you as well.
  • After you listened to your subliminal you should let go. Don’t think about it too much as this creates a state of lack and pushes your wish further away from you instead of coming true.

Do things which make you feel good as this will help to keep your vibrations high. The higher your vibrations are and the better you feel, the easier it will be for the universe to work with and for you. I hope I’ve got everything together and easier for you to understand this interesting topic. Especially if you heard of this for the first time. It really sounds like real-life magic , doesn't it? Do you use subliminals?

 

 

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How To Support Friends, Family Members Or Others With A Mental Illness

Friendships are so important for getting through the hard time's life sometimes throws at us.If you need someone to laugh, talk or cry for a little time, friends are a good support system.If you have a friend or know someone with a mental illness, here are tips to make their life a bit easier. 

  • Listen

Make sure to give them a feeling of not being too much, too exhausting, [insert adjective…] and be there for them. It doesn’t matter how often this person will talk about this. Whether it is a few or multiple times. It takes a lot of courage and trust to open about these problems. You should feel good if someone is trusting you at such a high level. You’re not an expert or a professional, but you can always have an open shoulder and help for just being there for this person. I feel good if someone just asks me how I’m doing. 

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  • Go Out With Them

And with that, I don’t necessarily mean go to a party. Of course, you can if you both want that.It’s good to be outside. Just breathing fresh air is really good. This distracts your mind a bit as you live more in the moment. I often feel like that when I take a walk. This won’t cure depression, for example, but it can help to temporarily lift their mood and make them more awake. They probably don’t want to go if you ask them, but persistence helps. Some places, such as school or work should not be avoided and help to not identifying too much with their diagnoses. Because you’re encouraging someone who doesn’t want to do anything to something with occasionally high returns. It really helped me to be eventually forced into going when I initially refused. Find good places where it's peaceful, scenery or calming to walk, like a park, a garden or (if you live nearby) the beach. You can also do a picknick (if the weather is good). Or go out for a cup of coffee or a drink and walk back. 
  • Meals

Having a healthy relationship with food is important for everyone. And if someone struggles with a mental illness, their eating habits could be messed up. You either eat nothing or only small amounts out of lethargy or you refuse to (e.g. having a restrictive eating disorder) or you find yourself binging on chocolate in the afternoon. Hot and balanced meals? What’s that? No way… What you can do is:- Order a takeaway, and eat it in a cozy environment- Bake some treats, and there are tons of nutritious options out there- Go grocery shopping and cook together with them. Eating something homemade is such a different feeling than eating something ready.- Invite them for a meal. Make them feel at home and just have a good time together 
  • Do some household tasks

Especially when it comes to depression, where normal things, let alone the chores are very exhausting. And supporting a friend with, for example, doing the dishes or clean the house/apartment takes a load off them. Moreover, a clean and tidy place to live can help to boost someone’s mood too. You can also take an avoided phone call on their behalf for them. This could be a hairdresser or doctors’ appointment or taking out their trash, something small what disturbs them. I remember when I was too anxious to take phone calls. There are so many ways, where you can make someone’s day brighter by just doing little things. Help them with grocery shopping, write a shopping list with nutritious but also soul foods. This way, your beloved ones can maintain a healthy relationship with food. You should only eat what you (and your soul aka hunger cues) want and messing up your appetite will only confuse your body and led to more problems. Some people try to compensate for problems with alcohol, drugs or other unhealthy behaviors, but this won’t solve the problem at all. They might feel good for a while, but their sorrows will come back even stronger if they suppress instead of dealing with them. And the thing is, they and you’re not alone. Even if your friend doesn’t find a therapist at first. There will always be at least one person they can trust. This person is you in this case and talks to. If you know each other for a long time then you can understand your friend/colleague/family member even more, than a therapist who only knows them for a few weeks or months. (But this isn’t a substitute for a therapist in general!)Regular exercise is important as well. You don’t need to go to the gym with your friend and lift weight multiple times a week but taking a walk in the morning or yoga in the evening can boost their (and your) mood tremendously. And healthy isn’t only food and movement, it’s also about getting enough sleep. We often crave a refreshing night’s sleep, but some nights are just exhausting because you can’t seem to shut your eyes, and just sleep. It could be helpful to make it a rule to turn off your mobile phone one hour before you go to bed because leaving it on wouldn’t make it easier to put it aside and just go straight to sleep. Some people are more likely to hang on their phones for HOURS. So, in conclusion. It’s important to have rules, to have a routine where you have set meal times, and to do daily tasks. You can always support your friend/colleague/family member and there are lots of opportunities to improve their lives. Thank you for reading this. Did I miss an important tip?

 

 

Do you know someone with a mental illness? Please share to help them as well!

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How To Stop Caring What Others Think About You

At some time, we're at the point where we care or better said, care too much what other people might think of us. And we feel guilty for that, as this prevents us from being who we truly are or from doing what we want, from chasing our goals and dreams. From the way we speak, which outfit we wear to what we order at a restaurant. We just think too much about others' opinions of us. Our thoughts may be like these "Will they judge me, or think I look stupid/[insert adjective]" and we may be do something different than we originally wanted to do based on what we assume others think. Are you familiar with that? I've done it, and still do sometimes, and I think you too.We might dress and style a certain way because it's how we guess others expect us to look. Or we eat a specific way and work out because that's what society is telling us, and we think we have to do that "because that's what everyone is doing". But how much of our lives are influenced and affected by caring too much what other people think (or what we assume they think)? The solution to this problem is simple, but in no way easy: "Actively live your life and don't give a f* what other people think"

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I started practicing and still do that by following these strategies.

  • Remind yourself of the truth.

And the truth is, no one really cares! Most people are way too busy with their own lives, and we often just interpret too much into glances cast at us or misunderstand things or words. If some people say mean things to you or comment on your outfit etc in a negative way means that person is in all likelihood insecure about themselves and tries to make them feel better by putting others down.But this has NOTHING to do with you, and if you let that get too close to you, you only hinder yourself. Try to remind yourself of these two points, when you catch yourself again slipping into the thoughts carousel. When you're faithful to yourself and don't allow the assumed thoughts of others dictate your choices or even your whole, opportunities expand, and your joy increases dramatically.
  • Reclaim your freedom.

Know your worth! My love, you have so much to offer, you can do whatever the hell you want. Especially we, who live in the western world. If something stands in our ways, it's mostly ourselves.Limiting beliefs discourage us to do so many things. One of those limiting beliefs has a lot to do with what we assume other people might think of us. Shaking these off can change our whole lives. You can always start small, and changes won't happen overnight. Especially not, if you act certain ways for years. Maybe you struggle with the way you dress, you don't trust yourself enough to wear a certain outfit, despite liking it. But you know what? Wear THAT outfit. You don't dress up for anyone but yourself. And if you like these clothes, then every question has been answered.Another common example is, ordering something in the restaurant. How often were you in the situation where you let the orders of others dictate what you order? You wanted a Pizza, and everyone is ordered a salad. You would feel bad about yourself and adjust your choice. The problem is, you wouldn't feel satisfied, because you didn't do what your soul (or in this case, your gut) wanted. Next time, order exactly what you want without letting it influence by other people. Listening to your body and soul is so much more important!
  • Put yourself out there

Sometimes we don't do what we really want because we are too afraid, again with what other people might think about us. Maybe write down things you want to do, but actually, don't go after them because of what I just mentioned.So many chances are thrown away by having this mindset.For example, you're too insecure to flirt with interesting people. But there could be the chance this person likes you the way you are (and only these are worth it) and meet people who could be inspiring or having a good time with. Maybe even meet the love of your life. The next time, ask someone for a date, who you are interested in. Sounds a bit harsh, but sometimes you need to give yourself a little kick in the butt. We only live once.So, friends, go outside, show the world how awesome you are! You have crazy dreams or want to choose a different career path than most people in your surroundings? Go after them. Educate yourself, look at what you can do right now to make your first steps toward your goals. Dreams and goals exist to make them come true. And those have nothing to do with other people. They are your own and part of your life. Only your life. Imagine reaching your goals. Wouldn't it be awesome? Start today, and who knows where you'll be in 6 months or a year.Don't be afraid to do what your soul, your inner being is telling you.Do what you're passionate about.It's the right thing, I promise.
  • Enjoy time alone.

This is very important to me and it's crucial to become independent. The more you get in this direction, the less you're concerned what other people might think of you. Because this will increase your self-worth. Meaning, you know you can have fun alone and you know you are amazing. A few weeks ago, I went to a concert completely on my own. I first thought "oh people might think I have no friends" but I have shaken this off quickly. There were many people and I enjoyed the music and just seeing one of my favorite bands. I was so grateful for that.If you do things like these sometimes, you care less about other's opinions. 
  • Surround yourself with positive people.

This is another important one, especially if you suffer from low self-esteem and you can't see the positive aspects of yourself. And if you hang out with people you have fun with, who you can talk to and it's easier for you to just be yourself, you'll automatically feel better. Those people won't judge you and accept yourself as the person you are. You can even ask them what they like about you and make you feel better.The next time you get a compliment, accept it thankfully. And not reject it.The more often you'll do this, the faster you'll believe those positive things people tell you. In conclusion, there is no sense of caring too much what others think because you can't please anyone. The only person you should please is yourself! You live your life for YOU, no one else. Use your time wisely and invest this worthy time in yourself. Spend time with people who know your worth. Do things, which fulfill you. We don't like or understand everything everyone else is doing - so why do we expect that for ourselves? People have different goals, different views, different personalities, and different motives - and that's completely okay!

 

 

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How I Got Into The Law of Attraction [And My First Experiences]

Hello guys! Today I'm writing about a topic which seems to get more and more popular: The Law of Attraction.For the ones who hear about that for the first time, here is a short explanation: you create your reality with your thoughts. It all comes down with your vibrational state, the frequency you have. It says like attracts like.

For example, if you constantly think negative and feel bad about yourself, your life is most likely this way. And you believe you can't escape and change your life. Unfortunately, most people think like that. The truth is, you can. And it takes time and patience. I'm still not where I want to be, but I learned a lot the past year. But now I start with today's topic: How I got into the Law of Attraction. I suffer since years from depression and anxiety, but also always dreamed big and wouldn't let my mental health dictate my life and eventually ruin it. And this kept me going. I met a good friend and we talked about our struggles, and later she mentioned the movie "The Secret". I was very skeptical about it, but I gave it a try and watched it. Afterward, I felt like this is the message I needed to get. I began to think about how my thoughts influence my life and was still a very pessimistic, sad person & just thought I just have bad luck.

The cause

I believed also successful people are just lucky and had way better opportunities to start their lives than me. But many of them aren't born rich and not everyone has its origin in the States. For a long time, I reckoned only American people can be world stars (stupid, right? But that's what I really thought when I was younger).Also, my childhood dream is still migrating to the U.S. I've never felt more at the right place as there, even though I only visited once for 2 weeks, but I also have a few friends there.Okay, I digress. Back to the original topic. After the movie, I felt like something "clicked" in me and I binge searched information on the internet about it. I also came across a few YouTube channels which inspire me to date.The first "exercise" I did was rewriting my thoughts. And boy, my list was sooo long, and I wrote the opposite of everything down and read it out loud. I still update this kinda list every now and then and try to read those positive phrases which should be my new beliefs every morning. But honestly, I also forget this sometimes. Especially if my mind is overfilled with ideas. Anyway, it helps! Another BIG point is practicing gratitude. I mean most of us to live in western society, where much is taken for granted. The truth is, nothing is self-evident! So, in order to feel rich, you can simply start be thankful for the smallest things like fresh and clean water, enough food, a roof over your head, your body being healthy (like this whole system gives its best every day to keep you alive, your cells, your heart, your brain, your stomach, ….and this happens almost automatically, I mean just think about it. It's awesome, isn't it?!). In my opinion, this helps especially if you're feeling down or like nothing works out. Now I write down a few stories/experiences which helped me to really believe in this whole Law of Attraction "thing".

The beginning

I started with a small wish and was on my way home with my mom and we wanted to do grocery shopping. The parking area seemed overcrowded. I closed my eyes and got into the feeling of a good parking spot near the entrance being free. Then I relaxed and acted as if it already happened and as we drove on the parking lot on it, there it was. As if this parking spot was reserved by the universe for us.

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My first experiences

Another story was with my apartment in Bremen (where I study now). I knew I wanted to study my current subject and must leave my hometown to do so. A few weeks BEFORE I got accepted at my university (another story) I began to look for my future place to live & acted as I was already a student and prepared myself for learning Japanese (a huge part of my studies). I took the risk, made some apartment viewing dates and drove on my own to Bremen. The first apartment I visited was from a student, who studies the subject as me (a happenstance? I don't think so) and it was excellent for my circumstances. It was small & cute (so I must clean up less, hehe), for a good price in a nice location. I felt like "this is going to be my apartment". Afterward, I went to the landlord and he said I was currently the only one who wanted this residence. They have not advertised online at this time yet. I visited a few other places, but they didn't feel as right as the first one. After that, I drove home and continued to feel good. About one week later I got a phone call and got this apartment.

Now to the story, which I meanwhile find funny...
How I got my study place. As soon as the application lists have been released, I entered my application. Then I just waited and detached. Moved on with life. 6 weeks later the application period was over. I checked the mails every day but haven't got one. A few days passed and then I got the shock, on the application portal was "currently not allowed". At first, I wanted to cry, but then I remembered staying calm and took a few deep breaths. I read something about the two cup method a few days earlier at this time and gave it a try. On the first label, I wrote "currently not accepted" and put this on the first glass filled with water.The second label, I inscribed with "being accepted" and put this on the second glass. I said this out loud and poured the water from the first in the second glass. After that I stared at it for a few minutes, took deep breaths and drank it. Then I distracted myself and just 5 hours later I got my approval.

And if that is not a manifestation, then I do not know.I haven't manifested this "big stuff" so far, but I think I used the LoA successful a few times and I want to get even deeper into it and this whole spirituality thing. As this gives me strength and beliefs, that everything is possible. Even reaching your craziest dreams. We manifest 24/7, whether we believe in it or not. Everything around you is a pure manifestation. Do you believe in the Law of Attraction? And have you had experiences so far?

 

 

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